Two months isn't too bad..

Mood: Tired Watching: The Haunting of Hill House

Drinking: Tea

Ear Worm: Keep Evolving - Pokemon Mewtwo Strikes Back EVOLUTION

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3ykA1ZUC1Y

Well... if you were expecting regular blogs, you're far silliar than I am >_>

But, I do actually have some things to write about.

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Ok so, this isn't really a recent change, but I hadn't mentioned it anywhere apart from to a small handful of people

(it was very much being kept on a "need to know" basis). Which... really is quite sad, thinking about it.

But, I know how crappy people can be

𝖺̶𝗇̶𝖽̶ ̶𝗆̶𝗒̶ ̶𝗌̶𝖾̶𝗅̶𝖿̶ ̶𝖾̶𝗌̶𝗍̶𝖾̶𝖾̶𝗆̶ ̶𝗂̶𝗌̶ ̶𝖺̶𝗐̶𝖿̶𝗎̶𝗅̶

Backstory Example Time: When I used to model for fun there'd always be the odd twat pop up to try and tear me down every time I'd post a picture.

Like, people seem to assume that you must be incredibly over confident to do those things

(in reality I just liked making art, I got just as excited over friend's pictures - probably more so).

So because of those experiences, I fully thought that if I said "I'm doing this!" (even though it was primarily for confidence building) that I would be dealing with at least one asshole being all

"OH SHE THINKS SHE'S GOING TO BE FAMOUS"

or some shit and mocking or trying to tear me down.

So until very shortly after my last blog, I hadn't said a thing. SO

Since January, I have been taking acting classes!

As I mentioned earlier, it is primarily for confidence building -

I realised that unless I forced myself in to something,

I was going to be a socially anxious mess with no real life forever.

(I've lived in this house for 6 years and am still terribly shy saying hello to the neighbours,

and my neighbours are lovely - that's how bad it got.

I'd stopped streaming, stopped socialising even online, and my world was getting tiny.) I also have always liked the idea of acting,

but I always thought it was something you had to start young (so thought it was too late).

In school, Drama class attracted the worst of a bad bunch (more so due to the lack of written work, rather than actual interest),

so I avoided it like the plague back then. Despite enjoying the idea of drama class. (It really does suck how badly the wrong people can ruin a good thing)

To take drama in college, you had to have chosen it in school,

so it didn't seem like something I would ever be able to get in to.

Until I was about 30 and realised how many stories I've heard of actors that didn't start acting until later on in life.

So I told my mum I was signing up, and she signed up too - so it's now something we do together and have in common which is pretty neat.

𝖡̶𝗎̶𝗍̶ ̶𝗍̶𝗁̶𝖾̶ ̶"̶𝖨̶ ̶𝖢̶𝖠̶𝖭̶ ̶𝖥̶𝖨̶𝖷̶ ̶𝖳̶𝖧̶𝖨̶𝖲̶"̶ ̶𝗆̶𝗂̶𝗇̶𝖽̶𝗌̶𝖾̶𝗍̶ ̶𝗄̶𝗂̶𝗇̶𝖽̶ ̶𝗈̶𝖿̶ ̶𝗉̶𝖺̶𝗌̶𝗌̶𝖾̶𝖽̶ ̶𝖺̶ ̶𝖿̶𝖾̶𝗐̶ ̶𝗐̶𝖾̶𝖾̶𝗄̶𝗌̶ ̶𝖺̶𝖿̶𝗍̶𝖾̶𝗋̶ ̶𝗌̶𝗂̶𝗀̶𝗇̶𝗂̶𝗇̶𝗀̶ ̶𝗎̶𝗉̶,̶ ̶𝖺̶𝗇̶𝖽̶ ̶𝗍̶𝗁̶𝖾̶ ̶𝗁̶𝗈̶𝗉̶𝖾̶𝗅̶𝖾̶𝗌̶𝗌̶ ̶𝖿̶𝖾̶𝖾̶𝗅̶𝗂̶𝗇̶𝗀̶ ̶𝖼̶𝖺̶𝗆̶𝖾̶ ̶𝖻̶𝖺̶𝖼̶𝗄̶ ̶𝖻̶𝖾̶𝖿̶𝗈̶𝗋̶𝖾̶ ̶𝗌̶𝖾̶𝗌̶𝗌̶𝗂̶𝗈̶𝗇̶𝗌̶ ̶𝗌̶𝗍̶𝖺̶𝗋̶𝗍̶𝖾̶𝖽̶

AND SO The first few sessions, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't spend the entire journey there like "Oh my god, what am I doing, I don't belong here" and thinking how silly I was for it.

But, no.

By half way through the first term, I realised that I am actually REALLY enjoying it.

Most of all, I love the people in my group.

And weirdly, I actually feel like it’s healed a bit of old school trauma.

I’ve always felt like the outsider in the room,

and for the first time I genuinely don’t.

I am part of the group,

and I’ve never truly had that feeling

(even in friend groups)

as fully as I do here.

I am also very much enjoying the acting itself,

and the lessons are a lot of fun!

Each term is only 10 weeks,

and so far we’ve had two scripts per term

the second script being the one we perform at the showcase.

Our first showcase was a few days after my last blog,

and after that was I think when I suddenly felt the confidence to say “I’m doing this, and I’m enjoying it”.

Don’t get me wrong,

I was absolutely cacking it

and my arms were trembling the entire time!

But I did it!

We’re now almost half way through our second term.

We’ve unfortunately lost quite a few of our classmates (scheduling conflicts and things),

which is such a shame.

But I am still cracking on and enjoying it.

I also very recently started taking Pole Fitness lessons!

(My neighbour is the teacher, how cool is that?)

I’ve never even been able to do the monkey bars properly

so I always thought I wouldn’t stand a chance at pole.

But I’m actually getting on much better than I thought I would!

(I’ve had 4, hour long lessons so far)

Very much enjoying that too!

And surprising myself every time I don’t hideously fail xD

COSPLAY WISEEEEE

I FINISHED VEROSIKA.

And I have finally started on Lute!

𝖨̶ ̶𝖺̶𝗆̶ ̶𝗍̶𝖾̶𝗋̶𝗋̶𝗂̶𝖿̶𝗂̶𝖾̶𝖽̶ ̶𝗈̶𝖿̶ ̶𝗍̶𝗁̶𝖾̶ ̶𝗐̶𝗂̶𝗇̶𝗀̶𝗌̶

I also put together a quick costume for Selena Corey

(The Singing Zombie from Resident Evil 9),

and will be doing pictures in costume as soon as the stars align

(and I have the time + energy + no where to go the next day in case the fake blood stains my skin >_> )

But yeahhhhh!

I don’t think I have anything else to report.

So yeahhh.….

bye.

(I am so fucking good at this)